tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
