she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
