I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
