I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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