Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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