Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
