im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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