you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
