she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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