I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
