found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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