I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
