to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
