Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.

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(630): View more from Illinois

We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.

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(585): View more from New York

they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too

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(443): View more from Maryland

You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.

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(425): View more from Washington

I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.

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(518): View more from New York

Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook

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