he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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