Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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