Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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