this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
