all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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