Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
