I wish I could punch you in the face.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
