Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
