If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
