It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
