I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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