Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
