I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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