it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
