There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
