Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
