why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
