Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
