The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My liver just had a heart attack.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
