Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You ruined the universe
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
