Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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