why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
