this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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