Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
