Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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