i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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