He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
