is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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