So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
