yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
