And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
