in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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