I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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