The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
