I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize