I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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