well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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