She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
