508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
