dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
