can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
