My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
