Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
