Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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