Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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