It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
