im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
