i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
